Help Me

 Help is what I need. 

Its not a want its a necessity.

I don't know what I should do.

Can't seem to pull through.

Let it go.

If only If I knew how.

If I could I be like wow.

Shit doesn't work like that.

Facts.

Not everybody can just forget the past.

All the stress and the anxiety attacks.

Is anyone there ?

It's really not fair.

I can keep saying that but it won't change.

I am same.

Same as you and the people who exist.

To not lose anyone is my fondest wish.

The cause is probable.,

 Is it possible?

When I am in pain that's when I can write.

Right about all the stuff that isn't right.

With myself and what goes on around me.

I need help Lord, Please.

Help me get through my fears and doubts

Show me to the way out.

Individuality.

Life.

Am I right?

Its tough.

Can be Rough.

We all have one.

We keeping going until we are done.

 

 

Am I Special At All ?

When it comes to me loving someone, I fuck up quite a lot.

Before I even know what the problem is, the relationship stops.

I lose interest in a lot of things that matter.

Trying to hold on but my faith, it just shatters.

My faith gets replaced but my fears and doubts.

Is there even a way out.?

A way out from all this madness.

The light that shines over the darkness.

 I struggle to walk with this heavy heart.

As the days go by, its starts to break apart.

I wish it was simple fix with glue.

Where I will go next I have no clue.

Someone told me. You'll be happy without me.

Where did that come from? Right now I'm dying.

 Pain intensifies with each step I take.

I really wish I could correct that mistake.

I feel as if I just always wrong.

Am I a special person ? I have yet to see.

What does destiny has in store for me?

The Pathway.

I don't know what to say.

I feel like I should go away.

Some far away place.

Where no one would see my face.

I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

Its time to walk out that door.

Love is it really for me?

I can't really keep anybody.

Its sucks when you are the one feel the pain.

Holding on to pain just makes me go insane.

So when they say holding hurts more its not him/her.

Its the pain from something, one or the other.

I don't want to hold a grudge or compare.

Its not really Fair.

If I have done to anyone, I am sorry.

Please Forgive me.

If you read this, this is not a note.

Its an apology, a way for me to cope.

Its not easy on me at all.

Only took a second for me fall.

Fell right onto the dirt.

Now I have to change my shirt.

Standing up now, where do I  go from here.

Start with the path of no fear.

Will it Ever Be ?

Mad as hell

Trying to get it over it. Oh Well

How the fuck am I suppose to forget that shit.

Motherfucker, I aint that quick.

I can't just get over shit like really fast.

For me the shit just last

Can I escape the loop in my past?

Where I repeat the same mistakes as before.

I don't want go out the door.

I'll admit that I am afraid.

Afraid that I will stay.

Afraid to enjoy the day.

Lord please help me, because I don't know what else to do.

All of this Lord. Do I have to go through this is.

Man I wish this problem didn't exist.

Still going through the doubt.

Still trying to figure shit out.

When will it ever be okay for me.?

 Can I ever be happy?

Figure it out

 Why do I want to cry.

Why do I keeping asking myself why.

I don't know why I keep thinking about it.

Is it something I missed?

It keeps clawing at me.

Some big important piece.

I keep rattling my brain trying to solve the puzzle.

Its like running and jumping over hurdles.

I don't like pain and I don't like when it lasts.

After all it is all in the past.

Even still I have to keep going.

I can't just sit here and do nothing.

I have to bear the sadness.

Bear to with what is ever left.

Will I ever be okay?

Don't I deserve to have a good day.

Right now I have to get through the sea of doubt.

I don't know how but hey I have to figure it out.

 

A Moment of Regret.

I...... 

 I am in a lot of  pain.

It hurts so much knowing that things will never be the same.

 I long for person who I dearly miss.

I fall in love so easily, Do I know what love is?

 Is it when I look into your eyes and see joy?

 Doing things we have common, the things that we enjoy.

 Laying on the bed and Sharing stories with each other.

Having a passionate moment in any kind of weather.

Trusting to be there when it matters most.

Holding my hand when I don't know where to go.

That is love or at least to me that is.

I wanted to be there but the moment starts to fizz.

Arguing and not saying anything. Just a bunch of miscommunication.

Our hearts now are not even the same location.

 that time has come and that person isn't there.

My heart aches so much due to the fact I care.

It's not fair.

 Now I am back at square one.

All I see are clouds but, where is the sun?

Little Things

I ain't about that life.

Not about grabbing the Knife.

Do I really want to die ?

No.

I can't take a life, not even mine.

God put me here for a reason.

Hope shines at me like a beacon.

Telling me its not the end.

Reminding me that I have friends.

Thinking of the little things.

How they can be so fulfilling.

Wondering how long can this last.

Can't keep holding on to the past.

My past holds a lot of pain.

Most of it is just insane.

All these memories in my brain.

Knowing that things can't ever be the same.

Being on the other End.

It is really sad.

To see that things got so bad.

I didn't really mean for it happen like this.

Wish this problem I have didn't exist.

Pushes people away and causes me pain.

Testing them as if it were a game.

It doesn't help at all.

Doesn't take much to fall.

Am I really a bad guy?

It must be the reason why.

Why they all left me behind.

Their happiness matters but what about mine ?

I should be happy too.

Lord, allow me to make it through.

I don't know how many times I've said I love you.

Its hurt when they are no longer there.

Life isn't always fair.

I understand that and their reasons as well.

The feeling afterward hurts like hell.

It will be OK they say but when?

Do they even know how it feels to be on the other end?

The one who is being let go.

The one tries to hold on to hope.

Searching for inner peace is hard to find.

Not as simple as walking in straight line.

 

Struggle of a Broken Heart.

Looking out the window and seeing a couple.

My heart already know the struggle.

Its hard to not have someone who cares.

Cares enough to know that you are there.

You exist to them and They exist to you.

That's always cool.

Talking about good moments.

Compassion itself is quite potent.

Like virus that doesn't infect but it connects.

Connects you to that someone.

Who have something in common.

It feels good until you mess up.

It starts to fall apart. Fuck!

Try to fix it.

It always some new shit.

Shit is rough.

I there anything I do that is enough?

I want to do something and not feel useless.

Wanting to hold on is not stupid.

Not to me because I want to be by your side.

The sight of you leaving causes me to cry.

Screaming out to the sky.

WHY?!

Is Hope Dead ?

People see my face and ask why are you sad?
Question like that just make me mad.
Hiding behind the mask.
If you see that a person is sad, why not ask ?
Feeling sad ruins the day.
What makes me feel this way?
Recent event just play over and over in my head.
Is hope dead?
Its so easy for me to just give up.
Just as easy as saying I don't give a F**k
I could say it but I would have to stick with it.
Let me just get through all the critics.
Who see me and say I should be happy.
Well it easier just feel crappy.
Not because I enjoy feel like this.
I don't like how it is now. I want to exist.
Let me feel what happiness is suppose to be.
Not something that just comes around that's temporary.

Overwhelming Wave

 

Fading away into Darkness.

My heart beats at a slow pace.

How did I end up in this place.?

Where did I go wrong ?

Why does the pain last so long?

Who is to blame?

When did this start to change?

Everything is coming at me like wave.

Trying to avoid it, it sweeps me away.

Looking for something to help me through this.

I reach out to grab and of course I miss.

Is this it for me?

No, I get up and stand on my feet.

I want to be okay

To go outside and to enjoy the day.

 

All I want is peace.

Afraid Of Life.

I feel afraid.

Afraid of what I might see.

Giving up and failing.

I must not think like that.

Gotta take a deep breath, think about whats next.

I don't want to do something that I regret.

It sucks to feel like this.

Losing my way and my purpose.

Even if that person I miss dearly is gone.

Time doesn't stop and life goes on.

Is it so easy to move forward in life?

Yea right.

I can't really say anything I haven't tried.

Don't want be the man who always cried.

I should give it and chance, but how ?

Considering that I am still here now.

Seeking guidance from the lord above.

A shoulder for support  or simply a hug.

Emotions can be so strong, I have to be careful.

I am alive and for that I should be grateful.

After all I am still just a  man.

No longer confused, I do understand.

Sleepless Night.

It's night time and I cannot sleep.

My stomach is growling, wish i could eat.

The one thought in brain.

 It keeps playing over and over making me go insane.

Shaking my head, till the thought goes away.

Even so, it comes back the next day.

What is it that I am doing is wrong.

Is it the test or making a mess.

Being Reckless.

That wont get me very far.

Its hard to find my way in the dark.

Someone once said to me" you'll never change"

You wonder why I am so much pain.

I am not the same.

Only the pain remains

 I want to believe that this is not the end.

I just would like to keep a girlfriend.

I know I am not perfect but still I do try.

I try and I try until I begin to cry.

I can only cry but so many times.

Hoping that everything will be fine.

 

 

The Plunge.

 At the end of the cliff.

Wondering how far down I would fall.

Would anyone care at all?

Looking back and seeing myself.

Alone with the little hope I have left.

As I struggle my fears.

Of my life without someone near.

I begin to loose my grip.

Looking at the rocks I'm destined to hit.

From the cliff above to the ground below.

I see myself crying and regretting things.

All the darkness that I bring.

To those who didnt deserve that.

I am sorry

Forgive me I am only Human.

Not an excuse but a simple fact.

I just want to be at peace, not feeling like crap.

I really mean to change.

I don't want to be the same.

I see the rocks in full view.

Sticking and Impaling me through.

I wish I wish

I had not done this.

Let me live a bit more.

Let me Exist.

One good enough reason to live.

Beating myself over this.

Asking myself , why do i exist?

Feeling like this,  I should be happy.

Should not be feeling crappy.

That is what everyone else says

Hearing that when I am having a bad day.

Should it really be bothering me this much.

Hard to let it go. Just my luck.

I don't want to talk

Don't even want to walk.

I don't see the reason anymore

I don't want to see what life has in store.

For 27 years I have gone through a lot.

I am tired of feeling like this, I want it to stop.

Someone told me, I am why I don't have anyone.

Hearing something like that, Am I the only one.

No I'm not because its not all about me.

It's about what matters, emotions, and feelings.

How can I be happy when I am not able to keep what is precious to me ?

Can someone answer that question for me please.

Being a being with different personalities.

It is very hard to be me being around somebody.

Always Emotional and at time Sensitive.

But still... I am looking

Looking for that one good enough reason to live.

 

 

Tears in the Dark

 Fear brings me closer to breaking down.

Breaking down with no one around.

It hasn't got any easier on me.

Walking, grumbling and complaining.

It sucks to feel this way.

I can't even been happy through out the day.

I distract myself because i feel nothing else.

My existence means nothing to me.

Yet I am alive trying to accept the change.

But each day to me just feel the same.

Full of pain, anger and hate.

Constantly blaming myself for my mistakes.

Is there anyone who can understand.

Why must i go to through this again.

As if the people who came before didn't already leave a mark.

Its impossible to see my tears in the dark.

 

Missing You.

Missing You

How much, you have no clue

Every day my heart aches

Days goes by, another piece breaks away.

Why can't I have a good day.

If only I could to talk to you again.

If Only I was able to Understand

I only want peace between us.

Waiting here for you, it seems like forever.

Will I ever see you again ?

Will the aches start to mend.

I can only hope so.

All this fear and doubt makes me feel so low.

I just want you back.

Is that too much to ask.

 

Life or Death.

Darkness surrounds me.
Looking around, there is no one light shining.
I don't see a way out.
The path in front of me is clouded by my doubts.
Lord, I say please show me the way.
Lord, please allow me to have a good day.
I hear the voices of friends.
One by One telling me that is not the end.
The pain pulls me by the neck.
Hanging me until I start to see death.
His scythe in one hand, the other is reaching.
Reaching out to me.
His voices beckons me to come.
All this pain, my body has gone numb.
I struggle to hold onto what life I have left.
Now Only the choice remains.
Life or Death.